NBA Nicknames Tier-List
The 25 best nicknames in the NBA, totally not subjective.
Around 6 months ago, this tweet landed from Celtics Twitter, and of course, NBA fans, doing what they do best, took off with it.
Because this nickname is horrific, naturally, normal people started to mock it, while pages like Bleacher Report and Celtics social media were running with it and dubbing Tatum “The Anomaly”. In a poetic effort to make fun of this, fans created nicknames that were cut from the same cloth for their favorite players.
This trend was hitting hard and fast, so much so that everyone from Brandon Podziemski to Santi Aldama had one.
Whether it was Internet trolling or an honest effort to bring back some flair to the NBA1, most of these, whether from ridiculousness or being plain awful, didn’t stick.
The NBA ‘Nickname Renaissance’ was an odd time, and since it’s the offseason and I’m a little short on ideas, I figured we’d make a list of the Top 25 real nicknames in the NBA today.
Top 5: Genius Tier
My top 5 is labeled the genius tier — the criteria for the genius tier: apt, creative, and swag. I like to think that most of the best nicknames in the NBA are assigned to role players, because that’s when the real die-hards come out.
Davion “Off-Night” Mitchell is my favorite nickname in the NBA. I just praised his potential as the X-Factor for the Miami Heat in the upcoming season here. Mitchell is a menacing defender, standing just 6’0”, yet he’s a top 10 defender in isolation in the NBA. He’ll give your favorite star issues… ask Trae Young. The nickname is original, has an old-school vibe and swag, and it suits him perfectly.
Say it with me, “BEEF STEWWWW.” Isaiah Stewart is Detroit basketball, and it’s entirely poetic that his nickname is what it is. Stewart is a bruiser, beloved in Detroit, and a formidable role player who was dearly missed by his team in round one against the Knicks. Stewart’s nickname is timeless, accurate, and creative — earning him the #2 spot on this list.
Had to put a personal favorite close to the top— “The Big Ragu” Donte DiVincenzo. While Minnesota is an excellent fit for Donte, it’s unfortunate that Donte and his Italian heritage no longer poetically reside in NYC — but that doesn’t make this nickname any less incredible. This one is just too spectacular to leave out of the top 5, and it gets major bonus points because it comes from a long and legendary lineage, “The Big [Insert name here]”2.
As a Pelicans fan, this one stings a bit, but “The Great Barrier Thief” is perfection. Dyson Daniels is arguably the league’s best defensive playmaker3, and the NBA’s best Aussie (Sorry Ben Simmons, that ship sailed a while ago). The nickname rolls off the tongue and is a wordplay one that doesn’t feel forced — we'll get to more of those later.
Seven years ago, Robert Williams was drafted by the Celtics. Williams was either late or missed multiple events shortly after. However, instead of “Timelord” having a negative connotation, the joke was that Williams wasn’t late — he operates on an entirely different timeline like a character in a Sci-Fi movie… making it genius enough to round out the first tier.
Top 6-11: No explanation needed Tier
If you follow the NBA, you know that fitting nicknames accompany these role players. Similar to tier one, these are all just as good but are slightly less creative.
A top 5 pick wasn’t the focus of the NBA Summer League. It was the Chinese big man, Yang Hansen, aka “Young Handsome,” who stole the show. This dude is so lovable, from the way he has drafted to the dimes he was dropping from the key in his debut. The nickname itself has that fake rapper type of feel to it, and with his persona he’s displayed so far — he’s owning it, and it works.
If you play any pick-up basketball, you’ve played with plenty of guys who are absolute black-holes. The ball hits their hands, and it’s going up. That’s Michael “The play ends here” Porter Jr. He’s the final boss of chuckers, need I say more?
The NBA has never been more high-paced and filled with athletes. Not “Slow-Mo” Kyle Anderson—he moves at a men’s league speed, and not even a competitive men’s league, but the kind your dad plays in where old-heads are laboring during warmups. Despite the speed disparity, Kyle Anderson’s game works, and I could argue that he’s had a successful career because of his contradictory playstyle. For that, Kyle Anderson, you make #8 on my list.
I’ll make a shameless homer pick, Jose “Grand Theft Alvarado” might deserve to be higher on the list now that I’m reflecting a bit more, but I wanted to remain loyal to the list and not my team. This pick warrants no explanation; only a clip would do it justice.
Love the Thunder, hate the Thunder — everyone loves Aaron Wiggins, aka “The Man Who Saved Basketball”. It fits the ‘No explanation needed’ category like a glove, especially if you’ve seen the parade speech.
Rounding out the second tier is another homer pick, “Not on Herb” Jones — for length's sake, this one speaks for itself.
Top 12-17: Superstar good
Brevity is becoming increasingly more important here, and most of these are well-known. That’s the point, criteria is a superstar nickname that is high-quality and has a positive connotation. These were tough to rank; they’re all staples.
KD - “Slim Reaper” which easily takes the cake for the best superstar nickname in the NBA. KD also has “Durantula”, which made this a tough pick.
Chris Paul - “The Point God” — need I say more about the man who pioneered lob city and flipped his new team’s winning percentages?
Whether Paul George, the Houston Rockets, or Lauri Markkanen want to admit it, Damian Lillard isn’t “Dame Dolla”, he’s “Dame Time”.
The Sixers were pretty abysmal when I was a kid. Joel Embiid saved them, hate him or love him… he is “The Process”.
“The Claw” was a difficult selection because I could make the case that he has the best collection of basketball-reference nicknames… Board Man, Fun Guy, The Hand, The Terminator. Make your choice here, I defaulted on the most well-known option — but all of these belong in this tier.
I’m going to steer clear of the jokes Giannis makes in reference to his own nickname “Greek Freak” and leave it at that.
Top 18-21: Superstar bad
This tier is my personal favorite; I could’ve swapped this one with the ‘superstar good’ tier based on the humor appeal alone, but I prefer to see myself as a positive person. Notable superstar nicknames, except they’re used for all the wrong reasons.
This nickname peaked when he actually had to take a break to make a ‘championship push’ — some jokes write themselves, thank you “Podcast P”.
My dad loves the nickname "Day-to-Day Davis”; I couldn’t decide between that or “Street Clothes Davis4”. I’ll let the reader decide on this one.
Why would “Uncle Drew” be in this tier? He’s not, however, “World B. Flat” is.
Tyrese Haliburton’s nickname situation is a little messy — I’d rather not be the one who said it…” A little hint, it’s not “The Moment.” So for now, I’m sticking with “HIMaburton”.
Top 22-25: Slightly forced
The nicknames in this tier are all amusing and worth mentioning, but because of wordplay or context, they come across as a bit forced.
I like “Dorture Chamber”, since he’s a lockdown defender, it’s appropriate, but again, heavy on the wordplay. Plus, Dort charging into a screener and then flailing to the hardwood hurts his ‘aura’.
The “Poole Party” is the kind of event that can quickly get out of control, and as a Pelicans fan, I’m not sure if I’m mentally ready to watch Jordan Poole host it.
Though most never expected there to be any white American lighting it up as a star on the Lakers, calling Austin Reaves “Hillbilly Kobe” was a little too easy and a bit strained — but it works when Reaves is filling it up.
The Maine coverage that was shoved down my throat from draft night left a sour and slightly irritated taste in my mouth for “The Maine Event” — Cooper Flagg’s nickname. It would’ve been higher, but the Flagg and Maine puns have lost their shelf-life for me.
I’m not sure whether I’m falling behind the times, or I’m just more of a traditionalist, but I thought I’d stand firm against nicknames like “The Paradox” and “The Ad Hominem Fallacy” and make this tier list — I hope you enjoyed!
Like old nicknames did: The Worm, The Admiral, Mound Round of Rebound, Iceman, The Answer, and Pistol Pete.
The Big Fundamental, The Big Aristotle, The Big Ticket.
And according to bball-index, he’s the second-best in this advanced metric.
Thank you, Charles Barkley!
Stifle Tower snubbed, good list though.
Captain LeMerica, The Finnisher, & The Baby Faced Assassin are all personal favorites that I would have loved to see ranked here. However, maybe Curry has long since out grown his original nickname. Chef Curry will have to do.